Gains and losses
by max-on-the-mind
Summary: Quinn is in mourning. The love of her life who she never told is dead...or so she thinks
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I'm not new to fanfiction, but fairly new to writing. Obviously my current obsession is glee and more specifically Quinn and Rachel. This is a bit of a brain fart, but may develop it if it gains enough interest.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own it. If i did i would be rich and happy, and possibly married to Dianna Agron (insert dreamy sigh here)**

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Quinn wonders through the market, shifting through the piles of almost rotten vegetables to find the rare edible gem good enough for the princess herself to eat for dinner.

A flash of red catches her eye from the fruit stand and she wonders over, a small smile tugging at her lips as she takes in the smell of fresh strawberries and cherries. Cherries. She smells cherries everyday, every time she lies down on Rachel's bed when she can no longer bare the emptiness of her life without her scent. The smell is fading and she clings on just a bit more everyday selfishly inhaling, drugging herself with that last comfort. The bed sheets are stained with her tears and the sheets creased from holding them to her so tightly, but she will never change them, never risk losing that uniquely _her _scent before it fades away naturally.

When that day comes . . . well . . . she doesn't want to think about that day. She hates the thought of loosing her smell and then slowly its distinct impression in her mind fading too. Just like the sound of her laugh. It scares her. More than she could admit that she might one day forget her completely.

Quinn buys a whole pound of cherries, her intention to devour every last one savouring the taste on her tongue. The stool owner looks at her strangely as she hands over the money but doesn't question her lest she change her mind.

Its 4 o'clock, and the winter day is already starting to withdraw away with the promise of a longer colder night. The light is low in the sky, shining through a thin haze making Quinn squint as she follows the light through the puddled streets.

It's been ten months since Finn showed up at her door in the middle of the night, a haunted and desperate look in his eyes. He held himself taught for a moment holding her eyes as tears weld up in his, he looked to be trying to hold them back, to be strong, but the will broke. A sob burst out of his mouth at the same time as an apology. '_I'm sorry' _he said and somehow that's all he needed to say because at that moment Quinn knew. She absently held him as he clung to her silently begging her forgiveness at the same time crying for his own loss.

Ten months and the world hadn't stopped spinning for any of them. The world never acknowledge the loss of the best person she knew, why would they? They didn't know her. Not yet, not like they were supposed to. She was going to be a star, take the world by storm. The mere idea of her would've had most in the entertainment industry shaking in their boots. Yeah, it was a pretty big idea, she smiled to herself.

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Up ahead Quinn sees a woman turn a corner heading up the same street as her. Quinn just stares at her a moment taking in the familiar confident stride of someone who walks through a world knowing, perhaps conceitedly, that she is in a different league to everyone else, superior and untouchable.

Quinn begins to follow this woman absently as if being drawn by an unrelenting but gentle caress of a force. The woman seems young, perhaps shorter than average and slim with a hint of generous curves beneath a long brown coat, left open, which flaps behind her in the breeze generated by her stride. The way she moves is graceful and appears unhindered by large heels adorning her feet.

Quinn starts to mentally berate herself for following her knowing it is likely to only get her hurt again, like the many other times that she has glimpsed dark hair and an olive complexion or heard a voice that is almost enough to convince her of a living ghost. Only to find herself staring at the face of an unfamiliar Spanish woman or being unable to match a familiar voice with the same familiar face.

Yet Quinn can't help herself as she falls instep behind this woman. The woman slips gracefully between the crowds of people, Quinn finds herself bashing into the same people the woman has passed so easily as she her eyes only fixate on this hauntingly familiar figure, terrified to let her leave her sight in case she would disappear without a whisper of a trace that Quinn had ever really seen her.

She gradually begins to close the distance between them. As she does, the woman turns slightly as she side steps an old gentleman hunched over a walking frame. For the first time Quinn catches a glimpse of smooth caramel skin behind the curtain of long dark hair, full kissable lips set under the cutest large nose she had ever seen. Quinn gasps, desperately wanting to believe what her eyes are telling her. _It can't be. It's not possible . . . _ She sent up a silent prayer to God for this to be real and a silent curse that she would give up believing if it turned out to be a trick of her mind.

Quinn is almost running after her now. They reach a junction in the road, among others the woman stops, preparing to cross.

Quinn slows her pace and begins to weave through the stationary group until she is standing directly at her back. That's when she smells it, that warm cherry smell mixed with the scent that is uniquely Rachel, the smell of cool night air whatever the time of day. Quinn inhales deeply feeling greedy for it, she lets it fill her, lets it warm every fibre of her being.

The sun is lower now, coming in at an angle bathing them both in a soft orange glow, highlighting 'Rachel's' hair bringing out red and orange fiery streaks. Quinn begins to reach a hand out to touch the soft, silky hair just inches from her. Her mind is racing a mile a minute. There is no doubt in her mind that this is Rachel. Soon the _how_ and the _why _dissolve into questions like _what do I say?_ The desire to see her chocolate brown eyes and soft smile compelling her hand further forward.

Suddenly Rachel steps forward, two steps ahead of everyone else just realising it is safe to cross. A single strand of hair just grazing Quinn's fingertips before it's out of reach.

Her heart lurches, pulling her forward. She couldn't lose her now, not again.

She was way past stalking now, she had to catch up to her, she needed to touch her and hug her to make damn sure she was real.

The street they entered was quieter and Rachel quickly rounded a corner into an alley. Loosing sight of her momentarily panicked Quinn so she ran after her. When she reached the entrance her heart fell as she realised there was no sign of Rachel.

She gripped her hair to her head in clenched fists as she screamed,

"NO! GOD DAMN IT."

She sucked in lung falls of air suddenly aware how out of breath she was; tears were threatening to break loose as she frantically looked around for her.

"Rachel . . ." it came out in a hoarse whisper, as despair started to envelope her again.

Suddenly a force, knocked her against the alley wall, kicking the breath out of her. A steel arm pinned against her throat before she could even react to the first hit. A body was pressed hard against hers.

The smell of cherries and cool night air assaulted her nostrils. She looked up as dark chocolate eyes bored into her own

"Who are you and why the hell are you following me?"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: so as you might have guessed this is an AU fic and set slightly in the future. But im not going to tell you much more then that as all will be revealed…gradually, so stick with me, my story gets better ****.**

**I will be swapping between Quinn's and Rachel's POV. Thoughts are in **_italics_**, as well as **_flashbacks._

**Disclaimer: Don't own it, im just a name and character thief **

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Chapter 2

"_Who are you and why the hell are you following me?" _

Rachel never relented in the pressure she held against the blonde stranger. As the blonde gasped for breath but didn't answer right away, Rachel gave her another not so gentle nudge.

"I asked you a question!"

"Rachel…it's me…it's Quinn, I'm Quinn" The blonde managed between wheezes.

Rachel stared at her for a moment contemplating her options. The woman seemed to know her name, but it could be a guess. Rachel is a common enough name. Could be mistaken identity, but Rachel doesn't believe in coincidence like that, particularly in her line of work.

So either the stranger really does know her or she is merely pretending to. Rachel glanced back to the entrance of the alley. It was well concealed on an empty street, no one was passing by. She had been thorough when she allowed the blonde to follow her here, making sure there was no one else on her tail. There was no way the blonde woman was a professional, she was far from subtle.

Rachel looked into large hazel eyes trying to decipher them. The green and gold flecks began to swim as tears filled her eyes. Rachel could barely keep up with the emotions swirling in their depths. Shock, fear, pleading, hope? Happiness? _Who _is_ this woman?_

Wanting a longer answer this time, Rachel eased her weight off the woman slightly. The taller blonde, took a relieved intake a breath. Filling her lungs with much needed oxygen.

"I'm sorry 'Quinn'; I require a more thorough explanation. As you may have gathered by my reaction, I don't know you, and am therefore understandably confused and sceptical that you would think that I would recognise you. Now that I have ensured that you are on your own, I think perhaps we should start at the beginning and clear up this little…misunderstanding.

Why were you following me Quinn?"

By now the blonde, had returned to her normal pale complexion. Her breathing had evened out though remained a little wheezy. If Quinn hadn't been sure this was Rachel before, the altogether longwinded speech, was a dead give away.

"Rachel, I'm your friend, Quinn. We've known each other for years, we live…lived together. I…don't you remember...?" A neutral expression was her only response.

"God, this is like some horrid dream and I'm so ready to wake up now." Quinn spoke to herself.

"Though I don't consider myself particularly apt in social relationships, I do know it's not considered normal practice to stalk 'friends' for ten blocks without making your presence known."

_Was it really ten blocks? _Quinn wondered to herself.

"Care to elaborate on your behaviour, Quinn? Or perhaps better yet, could you provide some proof that we are as close as you claim to be. For at the moment this relationship is looking a little one sided and I'm more inclined to perceive it as stalker-like or perhaps something more sinister with a specific agenda."

"I…um…your favourite Broadway play is Les Mis, you've seen it seven times. You sing Don't Rain on my Parade in the shower…everyday! You've had an aversion to ice cold beverages ever since high school. You…you have a tattoo of a gold star inside your left elbow-"

Quinn wracked her brain for the little random facts she knew about Rachel. She would never forget them, she wouldn't let herself, she would think of as many as she could everyday. Trouble was that now they were spewing from her mouth like verbal diarrhoea in no particular order.

Rachel held up her hand to silence the woman. More than a little unnerved by the more intimate facts about herself being yelled at her by a blonde stranger.

"Well so far, Quinn, I think we have established that you are quite possibly the creepiest stalker roaming the streets today. Though I am slightly flattered, I need to decide how dangerous to me you are and take the appropriate action."

Rachel reached inside her coat pocket for her phone. _Oh crap, I'm going to jail, I'm going to jail. But this is Rachel, I know it…. Why can't she remember?... How is she even alive? Buy some time, Quinn. Stall her before you're carted off to jail or some mental institution for stalking your dead roommate and never see her again to find out._

"Wait! Rachel…I…I have a picture! Of us!" Rachel halted punching digits into her phone and raised an eyebrow at the blonde.

"It's in my purse, may I get it?" Quinn said gesturing to the bag under her right arm with a tilt of her head,

Rachel knew better than this. She was not about to take that chance.

"No." Quinn's heart sank. "I'll get it if you tell me where it is." That sinking feeling lifted slightly as if she had just been handed a buoyancy aid. She clung to it. Hope shinning in her eyes.

"In the inside pocket is by purse. The picture is tucked the pouch next to the bank notes."

Rachel deftly switched them arm holding the blonde to the wall, and blindly reached inside the bag never taking her eyes from Quinn's.

She found the purse by feel, and held it against the wall by the blonde's head as she fumbled to get the picture with one hand. Finding a laminated strip she teased it out of its pouch, almost ignoring the blonde as she began speaking again.

"It's one of the few pictures I have of us, of you. You never let me take any with my phone or camera. Funny for someone who always told me they wanted to be a Broadway star, you are very camera shy." Quinn let a shy smile slip across her face. Rachel didn't miss this, nor did she miss how charming that smile was. Shaking away the thought she glanced up at the picture she had now freed.

It was without a doubt a very happy looking version of her smiling back at her as if she was in mid laugh. She was sitting on the back of a park bench and half keeled over in a laugh while hugging the blonde in question from behind, who had an equally giggly expression on her face. She couldn't help but notice how beautiful the blonde looked all smiley with the sun making her blonde hair look golden.

She scanned the picture intently, looking for signs it was photo shopped, but found none. Either it was real or it was the best manipulation she had ever seen.

She took in the details, the park, the weather, the clothes, the emotions. The moment looked familiar, like a half forgotten dream, yet every time she tried to grab hold of that feeling and re-trace it, it would slip through her fingers like water.

"I think we should talk" Rachel spoke in an almost whisper.

"I think we should"

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**I know they are short chapters at the mo. The best way to make the longer is to review. Reviews will feed my work starved imagination :)**

**Oh and to 'normalab' yes i was trying to subtlety elude to Beth, well spotted**

**'writing is love' big hint in this chapter, you're on the right lines ;) **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry for the delay for this post guys, its probably more likely that I update every couple of days rather than everyday. But as a bonus you get a longer chapter. Yay. **

**So how Rachel 'died'/got amnesia is covered in this chapter. Im still holding back on the specifics of Rachel's occupation for good reason, as you will find out later, but I think you get the general gist.**

**Oh and i apologise in advance for errors/typos.**

**Disclaimer: Glee, not mine, nor is the Journey song, just nicking it because im lazy**

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Chapter 3

Tucked away in a warm nearby coffee shop, Quinn settled comfortably in a seat with a coffee mug in her hands trying to reawaken her cold hands. Her fingers were beginning to tingle with the extreme temperature difference, she welcomed the feeling.

She glanced over at Rachel for what might have been the 100th time since leaving the alley. Yet each time she couldn't stop herself being awe struck. She ran her eyes over Rachel's features again and again, memorizing them all over again. The softness of her skin, her dark chocolate eyes and every little nuance of expression that flickered across her face, captivated her. Quinn was torn, part of her desperately wanted to believe her eyes, the other part was reminding her that she had dreamt of Rachel almost every night, each dream (sometimes nightmare) feeling as real as it did now. Either way, every time she looked at Rachel was had to restrain herself from reaching out and touching her, running fingers through her hair, brushing her hands against her skin, holding her and inhaling her sent. She had to know she was real.

Rachel, in the meantime, was wondering what she was doing here. She had been a little surprised when the blonde had put up no resistance to Rachel searching her in the alley. Finding no weapons (no surprise there), she preceded to check her ID, making a mental note to check the government listings for 'Quinn Fabray' when she got to headquarters. If it was an alias, she'd be quick to uncover it, but she had paused when she saw a hospital ID, 'Dr Quinn Fabray, Paediatrician, Lenox Hill Hospital, Manhattan.'

It would be difficult to fake that kind of ID as a quick visit to the hospital would easily confirm or dismiss it. There was actually a part of her that thought the title really suited the blonde, and she could already picture her in her element, treating kids with a permanent kind smile, dishing out instructions to staff, looking cute in scrubs…_whoa, what? Where did that come from_?_ Focus, Rachel, treat her like any other suspect. Well technically you should have hurled her into headquarters for questioning already. Why are you even here? That picture could easily be a fake, the nostalgia thing is probably because you've been to that park before, and it could mean nothing. And if she's not a spy, she is clearly suffering from some mental affliction, maybe due to a high stressed job…? _

Looking up from stirring her coffee cup, Rachel caught Quinn staring at her again. She gave an exasperated sigh.

"Why do you keep staring at me like that?" Quinn snapped her eyes to Rachel's.

"I'm sorry, it's just…" unable to stop herself anymore Quinn reached out to tuck stray strands of hair behind Rachel's ear letting her hand linger cupping the side of head. "I can't believe you're really here, sitting across from be in a coffee shop when ten months ago…" she trailed off, tears filling her eyes. "How are you here? I mean…how? Y-you should be dead." The last part was merely a whisper from Quinn's lips.

"Whoa whoa whoa," Rachel backed off, removing Quinn's hand none too gently. _Guess I was right on the mentally ill part. _ "Ok I think I'm going to leave because I don't think you're well, Quinn. Seriously, I don't know you; I'm not going to pretend I know you and play into this…delusion because I don't think it's healthy."

"Rachel-"

"I don't know how you know that stuff about me, and you must be very good at photo-shop, but I must ask you to desist this intrusive behaviour immediately. I have been very lenient not to get authorities involved in this and I work for some very powerful organisations that wouldn't be as lenient if they knew about you."

"Rachel-!"

Rachel was frantically grabbing up her things, struggling getting her arms through the sleeves of her coat in her haste to leave but never missing a beat in her verbal tirade.

"So I think it best for you to go home, seek some help or something. And I never want to hear from you again, do you understand?"

Quinn grabbed her arm as she turned to leave not waiting for an answer. Tears were spilling over Quinn's cheeks now.

"I'M NOT CRAZY, RACHEL!"

The café and everyone in it ground to a halt to stare at them. The silence was deafening. Rachel glanced around quickly not liking the feel of all pairs of eyes watching them. Feeling embarrassed and angry at the blonde for making such a spectacle, she grabbed the thumb of the offending hand bending it backwards to release woman's grip. As she did so, she stepped right into the blonde's personal space, trapping their hands between them. With a quick twist of her hand, she twisted the blonde's wrist into a particularly uncomfortable position, all the time shielding the act with her body from the rest of the customers still eyeing them.

Quinn's face twitched in pain. Rachel couldn't quite understand the pang she felt in her chest as she saw it. Pushing that feeling aside, she leaned further into the blonde as if giving her a comforting hug and started whispering in her ear, although her tone was less than comforting.

"Don't go down this route, Quinn. You won't like where it goes. Against my better judgement I have humoured you and been patient, but as of right now you are a threat to me, and that is something I can't afford. So, Quinn, you are going to step outside with me and round the corner. Once we do, you will go home and forget about me as I'm not the type of person you want to follow round. I don't want to hurt you Quinn, so let's go."

As Quinn didn't want to prolong the pain in her wrist for any longer than necessary, he put on a fake smile and walked with Rachel out the door, the occupants in the café quickly turning back to their conversations as they left. Once round the corner, Rachel dropped Quinn's arm, and turned to walk off.

"Goodbye, Quinn."

_Oh hell no! I am not going to see a resurrected Rachel turn her back on me after ten months of being 'dead'._

"March 22nd." Quinn blurted. Rachel barely paused in her stride. "What do remember about March 22nd? Just answer me that." She pleaded.

Rachel, hesitated, purely because the question was so out of the blue.

"How am I supposed to know what I was doing on a specific day months ago? Why are you asking?"

"Just think, Rachel. What can you remember? What do you know about your life before then?" Quinn was grasping for straws, trying a different approach. All her training on amnesia being chucked out the window at this point, she needed Rachel to remember something, anything to make her stay.

Rachel, again questioning her motives for humouring the tall blonde, shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't know, probably working, my job is not just a job it's my life now."

"So you don't know, you're just guessing because of what you do now."

"I _guess_ yeah." Rachel bit out, "how can anyone be that specific about a random day?"

"Ok so where were you living before March? You can be specific on that surely?" Rachel was not appreciating the patronising tone, Quinn was doing it on purpose she knew it.

Sighing she said "In Manhattan."

"Where in Manhattan? What apartment building? Who did you live with? Specifics, Rachel."

"Now why would I tell my stalker that?"

"Urgh! Then don't tell me, just think about it!"

_This is ridiculous. Of course I know where I lived, it was on… … oh what street was it?... it was an apartment right?... I liked that apartment… I think…cosy! It was cosy…I was on my own…no wait…why were there kids toys in my apartment?... This is silly, I'm just confusing myself with the other apartments I've visited in this city._

Rachel had been quiet for nearly a minute, while Quinn was reading the concentration and confusion flicker across her face.

"You can't quite remember right?" Quinn's voice was much softer now, she was also much closer to Rachel. _When did that happen?_

Suddenly Rachel was feeling a lot less confident,"I guess I just spend way too much time at work, plus I travel a lot so I probably wasn't sleeping much there anyway…wait why is this so important? What's March 22nd?"

Quinn took a deep breath to steady herself, preparing to state the events matter-of-factly; she hated thinking about that time.

"On March 22nd there was an accident out of town on a country road. There was a man and a woman driving north. There was some kind of altercation with another vehicle and their car came off the road and crashed into the river. The man managed to get out of the car and searched for the woman but the windscreen was smashed through and she wasn't in the car. She hadn't been wearing a seatbelt. Rescue services dragged the river for days but never found her. She was declared dead five days later…"

Though she didn't think it needed saying, she took another breath and said, "The woman was you, Rachel Berry."

For a long time Rachel didn't say anything she just stared of into space. Random flashes kept entering her mind in a jumbled fashion, feeling like she was an outsider hitting a shuffle button on her memories.

_Flashback_

_It was raining heavily, the evening sky was dark with clouds even though the sun hadn't set yet. The only sound was the constant hum of the car engine and the rhythmic squeak of the windscreen wipers. There was a tall, kind faced man, with brown unkempt hair sitting in the driver's seat next to her. The silence was comfortable._

_End flashback_

Rachel's brain was working overtime trying to find the context to the memory. _Who was the man? A taxi driver? Chauffer?_ She didn't recognise him.

_Flashback_

"_Come on, Rachel. We've been signing to the radio for hours. My throat hurts."_

"_Oh stop whining, you know if you had taken the vocal coaching I had offered you wouldn't have this problem. Much like me, I could sing all day and not worry about straining my vocal chords with my habitual warming up and cooling down routine after every hour."_

_The man next to her groaned._

"_Alright, we can stop practicing after just one…more…song" Rachel said as she heard a Journey song come on the radio, and with an evil smile, wacked up the volume and began belting Don't Stop Believing. _

_The car was gradually climbing around a mountain side. The view of the river to their side was becoming increasingly clouded due to the heavy rain. _

_Rachel was part way through the second verse when she spotted the man next to her glancing every so often into the rear-view mirror. Glancing to the wing mirror on her side she saw a black 4x4 coming up to their rear at speed._

"_What's this guy doing?" The man next to her muttered._

_Suddenly the 4x4 went for a quick overtake and started pulling along side. The tinted windows rolled down on either side of the vehicle, suddenly machine guns were pointing at them._

"_Shit!" the man said and slammed on the brakes hard, dropping behind the other car as they open fired._

"_Rachel! Radio headquarters and there's a gun under your seat."_

_Rachel did so quickly, leaving the radio on speaker as she pulled a hand gun out of its hiding place._

_Undoing her seat belt, she then rolled down the window to lean out in order to get a couple of shots at the 4x4's tires. She hit the rear right tire on her second shot ducking quickly back in to avoid the returning gunfire._

_The 4x4 swerved dangerously for a moment before regaining control after the blown out tire. Once again the car dropped back to pull alongside them. This time it swerved purposefully to ram them. _

_The man next to her struggled to keep control of the vehicle as Rachel lent out again to get a shoot at the driver. The driver acted on instinct and hit the breaks, dropping back further out of Rachel's line of fire then rammed them once more, this time catching the back corner of their car._

"_FINN!" Rachel screamed as the car spun, once, twice then crashing through the barrier._

_Rachel experienced a few seconds of weightlessness, then the gut wrenching feeling of falling kicked in. _

_Dread punctured every fibre of her being. The river swelling larger in through the windscreen. Rachel tensed and braced herself against the dash waiting for the inevitable impact._

_The car slammed into the water as if the water had turned to solid before impact. The car stopped abruptly but Rachel kept going. The last thing she saw was the murky brown water coming to meet her. Then there was nothing. _

_End flashback_

Rachel teetered on her feet for a second as her world tunnelled then faded to black. The last thing she remembered were soft strong arms wrapping around her body, as her conscious mind followed her memory.

"_Rachel_"

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**So be honest and tell me what you think. If you want be to speed up on the story line I can do. This will be a gradual lead up to Faberry, but will have plenty of Faberry moments in the meantime.**

**Lots of love to all those who read and/or reviewed **


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